Are you listening with jackal ears or giraffe ears? Microsoft has a $3.03 trillion market cap today and their company culture is essentially based on Nonviolent Communication. I’ll bottom line the most important part of the book with these two animal language styles. Plus, did you ever think that saying “I feel like…” is turning the other person against you?
Watch this episode on YouTube or play on Spotify or Apple.
The transformative concept of jackal vs giraffe language comes from Marshall Rosenberg’s influential book Nonviolent Communication.
Listen on Spotify:
Understanding “Jackal Language” vs. “Giraffe Language”
Communication is an art, and like any art, it requires practice and understanding. During this mini-pod, I explored the idea of “jackal ears” and “giraffe ears,” metaphors that describe two distinct ways of listening. When we listen with “jackal ears,” we’re defensive, quick to judge, and often ready to engage in conflict. It’s a reactive stance that can escalate tensions and lead to misunderstandings.
On the other hand, “giraffe ears” symbolize a more compassionate and empathetic way of listening. Giraffes have the largest heart of any land animal. It’s about being soft, open, and curious. When we adopt this approach, we’re more likely to foster understanding and resolve conflicts peacefully.
In this episode, I emphasized the importance of striving to listen with “giraffe ears,” especially in difficult conversations, to promote a culture of nonviolent communication. That’s what Microsoft did when Satya Nadella got there. Their market cap as of this writing (2/29/2024) is $3.07 trillion.
Related blog post about NVC:
The Book that Transformed Microsoft’s Culture: Nonviolent Communication
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella believes in the book Nonviolent Communication so strongly that when he was named CEO, among his first actions was to hand it out to every one of the company's executives. I first read it in 2021 when my friend / therapist / fairy godmother...
The Misuse of “Feel” and “Think” in Everyday Language
NVC is about accurate and helpful word choice. Suprisingly, the most common use of “I feel like you” is actually jackal language. Look at our daily conversational use of the words “feel” and “think.” In the realm of pop psychology and the reality TV culture, these terms are often interchanged, leading to a muddled expression of our true thoughts and feelings. Saying “I feel” when we actually mean “I think” can obscure the message we’re trying to convey.
For instance, when someone says, “I feel like you’re not listening to me,” they’re not expressing a feeling but rather a thought or an observation. Very Rinna.
A nonviolent communication sentence structure:
- Recap an event or fact without judgments: When I made a point about the customer product feedback at the meeting and no one responded,
- State your feeling and emotional reaction using an adjective: I felt inconsequential.
- Make a specific request for the situation in the future (not a demand): In the future when I share ideas at our meetings, would you be willing to listen and publicly respond to my point? I value your opinion, as does the team, and I want to create meaningful work together.
When we commit to be more thoughtful communicators, it will enrich our conversations and our connections with one another. It makes our relationships and our businesses stronger. Just look at Microsoft since NVC essentially became their culture handbook.
Reality TV’s Influence on Communication
The episode also touched on the cultural phenomenon of reality TV shows, such as “The Real Housewives,” and their impact on how we communicate. These shows often blur the lines between genuine emotions and scripted drama, influencing viewers’ perceptions of what constitutes real communication. Yes, they’re fun to watch like it’s fun to eat a bag of Cheetohs. But be careful you don’t pick up on certain patterns of confrontation… because they’re violent!
I highlighted the example of one of my business and podcast and linguistic icons Bethenny Frankel from her tenure on RHONY (“The Real Housewives of New York City”). Bethenny was the first housewife or reality TV talent to leverage her Bravo fame to create the successful Skinnygirl Cocktails brand, which sold to Beam in 2011 for a reported $100 million.
All that’s very nice for someone who, half a dozen years ago, didn’t have a pot, much less a champagne bucket, to discharge into. But the real goal for Frankel, 40, is to turn Skinnygirl into a billion-dollar business. In March she jumped a few spaces ahead, selling her flagship product, the Skinnygirl Margarita, to Fortune Brands’ Beam Global for an eyebrow-singeing $100 million. That deal, which features a multi-year payout along with sales from her ever-expanding line of Skinnygirl products, bolstered Frankel’s bank account by an estimated $55 million in the past 12 months, according to sources close to Frankel (she won’t comment on the numbers); TV, we figure, earned her a mere $700,000. -Forbes, 2011, Can Bethenny Crack a Billion
Bethenny is an HBIC. This case illustrates the power of personal branding and how reality TV can shape marketing strategies. Today, she hosts the top podcast in the Society & Culture category, Just B with Bethenny Frankel. It also underscores the need to discern between the portrayal of thoughts and feelings in media and their expression in our personal lives.
The Power of Words and Nonviolent Communication
We were taught to play the recorder and how to square dance in school when we really needed lessons in communication, but it’s never to late to learn.
Whether in personal relationships or professional settings, the ability to communicate effectively is invaluable. It’s not just about what we say, but how we say it, and the intention behind our words.
Conclusions:
- Listen with “giraffe ears” not “jackal ears”
- Be mindful of the distinction between “feel” and “think” – don’t say “I feel like you” as it’s a judgment and unhelpful phrasing
- Don’t wear alphabet soup loud luxury like a free billboard; promote your own brand like B!
